Tag Archives: BC

May 9, 2011 · 12:54 pm

We Interrupt This Meme to Bring You…

The conclusion of my 101 in 1001 project! Another meme! From 2008! If you’re still reading, your meme apology card is in the mail. Ok, I haven’t sent it yet. I’ll get around to it. Like this project wrap-up. Which actually ended last Wednesday, but as you’ll know if you’ve been reading here for a while, being timely isn’t my strong suit. However, I am excellent at making lists. And surprisingly, at completing some of the items on them.

Here’s a rundown of the 35 that I actually finished before the deadline. Yes, 35% of them! Which I will explain later when we get to the ones that I didn’t finish.

  • Flying first class- thanks to my business trips, I managed to become a frequent flyer, complete with the perks of first class seating, multiple times. Twix bars and free cocktails are always a win.
  • Visit Louise in NYC- After six years away from Manhattan, one of those business trips actually brought me to the Big Apple and I spent four glorious days happy houring and theatre going after hours with one of my oldest pals.
  • Get my U.S. Passport- done.
  • Go back to New Orleans- After this made the list, it just so happened that I was offered a job with a boss based in New Orleans. Which means I’ve been back for 11 weeks since it was listed.
  • Go to the Waffle House- My first achievement, and so delicious.
  • Buy a digital camera- Back in 2008, this was an upgrade. Now I barely use it, thanks to my iPhone. The times, they have a’changed.
  • Join a CSA- Loved mine last summer, but didn’t subscribe this year due to my travel schedule. I’m glad to share, but it stung having to give away so many delicious veggies while I was on the road.
  • Own a classic piece of Tiffany’s jewelry- the ex bought me pearl earrings. I loved them. I lost one. I can’t have nice things. At least he was a jerk, so there were no sentimental attachments when the earring went missing.
  • Subscribe to the Sunday NY Times- good journalism isn’t free, people. And yes, I can read it online. But subscriptions pay for journalists to keep working. I’ll get the paper version. Besides, with a pot of coffee, the newspaper in bed is the best thing that happened to Sundays.
  • Get a Blackberry- Three years ago, my Blackberry was my dream phone. Now, you’d have to pry my iPhone out of my cold, dead hands.
  • Have an inspirations bulletin board- one at work, one at home, and my new toy, Pinterest.
  • Host a dinner party- Not precisely dinner, but I did throw a Southern grub fiesta on New Year’s Day (using FIVE crock pots) to ring in the new year with friends and a wide variety of hangovers.
  • Convince my boss to let me telework- It’s not part of my regular schedule yet, but I’ve done it for bad weather, illness, and the occasional project that required my home computer. Permanence is only three months away!
  • Create a personal “altar” space- I like the idea of somewhere quiet to sit and reflect. I gathered some candles, some photos that I love, and a few books that make me think and piled them by some lounging pillows. I don’t use it as much as I should to find some peace- it’s so far away from my laptop.
  • Plant flowers that actually grow- I’m no gardener. But last year, after a haphazard dash of seeds in the yard, I did manage to grow a feast of zinnias with almost no effort. The package said that they were supposed to be 18″ tall. Mine were 36″.
  • Get new contacts- done. But now it needs to be done again.
  • Get a professional massage- I’ve still not done a full-body massage. It seems weird to pay a stranger to rub me while I’m naked. I’m not a prude, I’m just not used to paying for the service. But I did get a lovely upper body massage when I got my first professional facial.
  • Go to the dentist- After 8 years of stalling (due to a lack of insurance and money, not a fear of dentists or lack of desire), I went and got all of my catch-up work done and have my regularly scheduled cleanings like a good little girl who plans to chew with her own teeth for as long as possible.
  • Watch a sunrise- Cocoa Beach, FL.
  • Watch a sunset- Dozens, but the most memorable was in New Orleans.
  • Submit my writing 12 times to journals- We are wayyyyy past the twelve submissions mark here. At least count on my Duotrope account, I’ve submitted at least 82 times. (By the way, if you are disorganized and submitting things to literary magazines, Duotrope is your new best friend. You’re welcome).
  • Update my 100 things about me- done. And it could probably stand to be done again.
  • Take a creative writing workshop- Not only did I take a few local workshops, I attended Bread Loaf  in 2009. It completely changed my life, and I hope to attend again.
  • Make a crocheted blanket- my first niece received her very own lavender baby blanket, made by me. My sister is forcing her to love it best.
  • Take a sewing class- I made my very own throw pillow and brushed up on those sewing machine skills.
  • Publish another chapbook- Miracle of miracles, it will be coming out in August 2011. Final edits are in progress.
  • Return my library books- They were wildly overdue. They’re back and safe in their library home now.
  • Try being a  vegetarian for a week- Another example of changing times. While I haven’t given up meat entirely (I love a steak), I very rarely eat any, besides seafood and even when I do, it’s at a restaurant. Living alone, I don’t really cook it at home. And I’m in no danger of starving to death.
  • Go to book club more than once- Twice! And both times I actually finished the assigned book. The book club fell off the radar a bit, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.
  • Start and keep a one-sentence daily journal- One of the better things that I got out of this project. Keeping an actual diary overwhelmed me from a writing perspective, so I got a big day book with dates and full pages. I just jot the year and a sentence or two to describe the day. Looking back on the last three years as the days roll around is a great reminder of how far I’ve come.
  • Meet an internet friend in person- Oh 2008! Aren’t you quaint? If you run into me with anyone these days and ask how we met, 8 times out of 10, it will be on the internet. Twitter mostly. And I got to meet Green Yogurt on my trip to San Francisco! Lora, you’re next.
  • Go on a picnic- Last summer, BC and I dragged some Middle Eastern food (and a few covert beers…. shhh) to the park and spent the 4th of July people-watching and stuffing our faces.
  • Teach a class- A major part of my new job involves hosting trainings- online and in person. I taught 200 people how to use Twitter a few years ago at a conference.
  • Get back in touch with my penpal- Facebook finally spread to Australia, so I can look at pictures of her beautiful baby every day if I like. I’d still like to write more pen-and-paper letters.
  • Send and receive a Postcrossing postcard- I love postcards. I sent mine and got a postcard from Romania of Dracula’s castle! Very cool.

What didn’t I do and why? More to come….

5 Comments

Filed under Building a Better Me, Lists, Working for a Living, Writing

Tagged as , , , , , ,

April 25, 2011 · 12:01 pm

Working for the Weekend

The last two weekends, I have enjoyed the fact that it is finally warm enough in Pittsburgh to leave the house without cringing when you step outside. The rain is determined to drown us all, but I’d rather be warm and wet than cold and wet any day.

Last weekend, my pals from Under a Pine moved into the neighborhood, so we spent a rainy day in couch-moving shenanigans and an evening celebrating their arrival and the invention of grain alcohol. As you might imagine, I needed most of Sunday to recover. Then, I headed off to Wild and Wonderful Wheeling, WV for a night of delicious Mexican food and to see a writer friend give a presentation at his hometown library.

You might imagine that after a four-day weekend, I returned to work relaxed and ready for anything. You would be wildly incorrect. Instead, the three days of the work week felt like Chinese water torture. The projects that needed work all required waiting three days for emails and then a big hustle at the end to wrap them up before deadlines. I zoned out on conference calls. The rain soaked up from the puddles to the knees of my pants. My house started to slide into a state of book-piling and dish-stacking that would horrify any non-hoarder.

But then! Huzzah! A weekend again! Friday night was beer and good food in Bloomfield and at the Pines’ again. Then Saturday, when rain was predicted for the 972 day in a row, a miracle happened! Sun! Real, actual, warmth-bearing sunshine. BC had the day free, so he drove over and we went for a walk. Which ended up being an eight-mile trek to downtown Pittsburgh and back, because it was too beautiful to go back inside. We got sandwiches at Primanti’s for strength- if a gigantic sandwich covered in french fries and slaw doesn’t give you strength, you’re doing it wrong. Because I prefer to spend winter completely sedentary, my legs were a wee bit sore after that adventure. By that I mean, I contemplated crawling down my stairs on Sunday morning.

Since I had nothing to do all day on Easter, and the rain reappeared with its rainy-ness, Sunday was a day of rest. On the couch, with a little takeout and some movies. Then, joy of joys, it was time to head out to watch the brand new Doctor Who. Without a fancy cable plan, I love any show that I can get free online, but friends with gigantic televisions and cable do come in handy when you want to see something released recently.

And now, here we are. Back at Monday. Back in the office. Back to waiting for emails. I will suffer the indignity only because they pay for all the fun that I have on the weekends. I know. I’m so noble.

3 Comments

Filed under Daily Life, Friends, Working for a Living

Tagged as , , , ,

November 16, 2010 · 8:48 pm

No More Cold Turkey

I’ve lingered over my “a hero that let you down” post for a while now, but I still don’t feel clear about where it’s going, so I’m making my own 30 days of truth new rule: if it means not posting for a few weeks, you can skip around and come back to it. There. With that accomplished, moving on to the next day:  “someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried.”

BC, my pal extraordinaire, and I met in the summer of 2000 when we were both camp counselors. Spending nine weeks in the middle of nowhere surrounded by children makes for some serious bonding – the kind hostages and Siamese twins experience. Being outnumbered by children at around 10 to every one adult means the grown-ups have to stick together for sheer survival. On top of that, we worked in the same department and he had an eerie ability to keep me from wringing the necks of the most irritating children and to make me laugh when I was teetering on the edge of sanity.

When the last day of camp came and he drove away, I wept. He headed back to Pittsburgh and I was off to Atlanta for a theater job. I guessed we would probably never see each other again. Ha ha. After two months in Atlanta, after lots of emails and phone calls, I decided to try my luck in Pittsburgh. The rent was cheaper. It was an adventure. And my best friend was there. (OK, and the evil snow that falls every winter, but it still had its plusses). I drove up with all my worldly possessions, sight unseen.

We started out as roommates for a little over a year. I didn’t know anyone else in the city. I was, let’s say, a little emotionally needy. OK. I was a hot mess. I had a job folding jeans at the mall. I was broke. I was more than a little homesick. I was not an ideal roommate. But he put up with me. Then I started dating and decided that it would be brilliant to move in with a cop-to-be and settle down. Because I love authority so much. And if BC didn’t understand my super-urgent looovvvvvve … then he just didn’t care about me.

I smuggled my stuff out of the apartment while BC was at work and left a note.

I know. I suck.

BC didn’t speak to me for three years. We don’t really talk about it.  It was probably justified. But, the thing is, the whole time I just missed my best friend. The older that I get, the more I realize how lucky I am to have exactly one person in my life so far who really gets me. And shortly after I moved out, I started my campaign to talk him back into being my friend. I left voice mails. I sent letters and postcards every few months- first to our old apartment and then care of his parents when he had moved on. I sent emails every now and then. And all of them resulted in nothing. But I kept it up. For three whole years of silence.

And one day five years ago, in Washington, DC, my phone rang. And it was BC.

All of a sudden, I had back that one friend who really understood me. And after three years living without that safe place to land, I don’t care to go without it again. I tried. He was there the night I got engaged to The Ex and when I called it off. He drove me to get my gall bladder out and kept me company after the surgery while I enjoyed some really good pain medicine. We’ve talked about good boyfriends and bad boyfriends and job headaches and books and trashy MTV reality shows.

And along the way, in figuring out how to be a good friend, which I hope I am most of the time, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve learned that all friendships come and go in cycles, but that you can trust the best ones to cycle back around eventually. I’ve learned that admitting when I screw up can go a long way. I’ve learned that listening matters more than talking. I’ve learned that the more someone means to you, the less worth it little fights and arguments become in the big picture. I’ve learned roughly how many drinks I can hold before I behave badly enough to get driven home. And I’ve learned that it is possible to trust people that aren’t blood relations – to believe that they will stick around. And that they do it for no other reason than because they want to.

So, no, I would not choose to live without that friendship in my life. Because I’ve tried. And it sucked.

3 Comments

Filed under Building a Better Me, Friends, Relationships, Soul Searching

Tagged as ,

October 12, 2010 · 2:08 pm

Pack Up Your Troubles

There are few tasks in life that I find more detestable than moving. Nonetheless, I’ve done quite a bit of it in the last 33 years. At last count (and I’m probably forgetting something here), I have moved 19 times, between 15 different homes in six cities. That’s a lot of dragging yourself around, especially considering the number of books that make those moves with me. I would leave household pets behind before books. Really. I mean it.

My current townhouse has been my home for longer than any other, besides my two childhood homes. I moved in with the ex, but once that travesty ended, my name was the one on the lease and I stayed. (By the way, if you are dating someone who you think will later break your heart, I highly recommend that you have only your name on the lease- the amount of wrangling this saved me was epic). It’s finally starting to look the way I want it to- cozy, colorful, book-centric, handmade, and with the occasional bargain antique tossed in for good measure.

It’s not perfect. I’d love a kitchen with a counter. Mine has none. No really- not an inch of counter in sight- a sink, a stove, a refrigerator. I’d pinch someone else’s grandma for laundry hookups to avoid the laundromat. And if you have a spare gardener, the nine square feet of my patio that’s under 3 feet of evergreen weeds could use some attention. But it’s affordable, it’s in a great neighborhood, and I love it.

Today’s topic is “something you hope you never to have to do,” and while moving will happen at least one more time if I find and buy a house, I hope never to have to decide to leave my home.  I moved away from my family years ago for school and work and to have adventures. I love them dearly and the feeling is mutual. I’d like to visit them more often if flights weren’t so expensive.

But something I think about occasionally is what would happen if something bad and unplanned came up. What if I was really sick and needed someone to help me out? I would have to decide between going home to my family or being a burden on my friends. BC was great when I had my gall bladder out and took time off work to look after me, but that’s not reasonable for anything more than a few days. Family would probably win. But then, I’d be in a horrible situation and be 14 hours away from all the emotional support I count on every day in the little life I’ve finally managed to build for myself. 

My sisters both live close by, but if something happened and my parents needed cared for, I’d have to find a way to chip in. They won’t be healthy or young forever, no matter how much I wish it. Again, they’re family and if they need me, I go. But I would be torn leaving my life entirely to go back home. I’ve moved around enough to know how hard the friends I’ve made and the community I have now would be to replace if I had to start all over.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I never have to make that decision. I love my little townhouse. I love my Pittsburgh chosen family. I love staying still for once in my life.

1 Comment

Filed under At Home, Family, Friends, Pittsburgh, Soul Searching

Tagged as , , , ,

August 17, 2010 · 8:40 pm

The Do-It-Yourself Therapy Kit

During break-up number six of the 572 that it took to end my engagement, I decided it was time to see a professional. I found a decent, kind-hearted therapist who was a fine listener, but for two fatal flaws. One, she thought I was really funny. Two, she didn’t seem to understand that I’m at my dryest, my funniest, my drollest self when it comes to what really hurts.

After a month, I got tired of paying to serve as the comic relief in her day and we called it quits.

In the process, I realized that what I really needed was a do-it-yourself therapy kit. Since I’ve been mentally stuck lately on the lonely train headed nowhere good, it’s time to break it out.

First, throw a tantrum. I like to do this in writing. Writing it all out, blog about it, tweet about it, journal, create immensely bad poetry, graphic novels, operettas, whatever. Scream at a notebook, type until your fingers bleed. Write really badly. The more dramatic, the better. If, like me, you’re a fairly restrained person in your daily life, feel free during your tantrum to sound like a complete maniac, kicking and screaming about the pure injustice of it all.

Second, look at the patterns. When even you are sick of your tantrum, move forward. Some people may intuitively know themselves or have been in enough actual therapy to see what they’re doing. This is not me. I have the big picture self-awareness of a guppy in a paper cup. I also don’t have a car. While I sweatily drag myself the 14 blocks I added for “exercise” (read: torture) into my commute, however, I get slightly better at patterns. For instance, I might realize that if I keep saying “It’s ok,” and planning to marry someone who cheats constantly, it’s no wonder they think it’s ok. (Obvious to some, but remember, I’m a guppy).

In my current situation, the big picture looks more like:

  1. I’m mildly homesick and my family is spending a lot of time together with my new niece and I can’t be there.
  2. BC’s social life is a little more packed lately, so I’m low on the usual 27 hours of just hanging out that I’m used to every weekend and 3 hours a week on the phone.
  3. My TV died.
  4. I’m writing more, which is, by nature, a solitary pursuit.
  5. I’m single (on purpose).

“So,” Therapist Me asks, “in the last three times you felt lonely this way, how did you resolve it?” Aha! By getting into a ridiculous messy relationship with exactly the wrong person, letting that eat up all my time, and then spending months or years trying to convince them to LOVE ME by any means necessary while ignoring myself.

Third, determine from the pattern a better course of action. In this case, um, let’s not do that again, shall we?

Because he has great instincts or reads this (and I really don’t care which), BC – friend extraordinaire- proposed dinner at my place on Monday. After an hour and a half of eating, laughing, and a little undivided attention from a real live person, face-to-face, I felt better. Not take-on-the-world better or all-fixed better, I grant you. Just better enough.

And without the messy break-up three years from now that would be my usual. Imagine that!

So, what next? Thanks to the self-invented do-it-yourself therapy kit, I suspect that I need to be a little more proactive about spending time with people. I also suspect Therapist Me would encourage me to make those invitations myself instead of waiting for them to come to me. Step Four, the homework.

The hard part?

Therapist Me gives great advice. Guppy Me follows directions horribly.

3 Comments

Filed under Building a Better Me, Daily Life, Friends, Relationships, Soul Searching

Tagged as , , , , ,