And I’m back where I was before. Because I am an idiot, I know. Because I am a sucker and I deserved it because of those “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me,” ditties people like to bandy about.
The infamous girl from the earlier text messages that the fiance’ sent is back. Actually, she really is trying to get rid of him. Which led to Friday’s text message from him to her. “I think I’m falling in love with you.” And yes, I shouldn’t be snooping through his text messages, I know.
So I called her. The other woman. And she made it clear that she has told him repeatedly to leave her alone, that she did not feel the same, that she has moved to Philadelphia and wants nothing to do with him. We were both actually pretty gracious for the whole conversation. (At least it’s a win for feminism- it could have been very catty). The fiance’, when informed she and I had spoken, so it was not in his best interests to lie, called her a “lying whore”. (Not a big win for feminism on his part).
But nonetheless, with everything else I have worked through, worked on, begged and pleaded over, it was the final straw. I may be an idiot, but I’m a bit too smart to marry someone running around telling other people they are in love with them.
So, things to do:
-Try and get some sleep tonight instead of staying up crying until I vomit like last night.
-Notify friends and family that their Columbus Day weekend is free.
-Tell as many people as possible that it is over and why so when I feel miserable enough without him to go back just to be with him and stop the pain, everyone I know can remind me why I ended it.
-Make plans, any plans, so I am out of the house when he is home (until he gets his own place in a few weeks).
-Start eliminating all those stupid sentimental things laying around that make me cry when I look at them because I already miss his lying selfish ass.
-Give myself a few days to be miserable and sad, so I can gather the strength to get angry.
-Do anything to get the wedding dress out of the house immediately.
-Cancel my honeymoon vacation time so I can take a few mental health days to mourn when he does move out and rearrange the furniture, buy replacements for what was his, fill in all blank photo spaces on the walls, etc.
-Send my ex future mother-in-law a thank you card. When informed, she actually calmly proceeded to tell me I would always be family, that she loves the fiance’, and then called him an “asshole”. Which is the kind of lady she is. She offered to hold separate “family dinners” for the two of us, so she and I didn’t lose touch. It’s a little raw right now, so I don’t think I’m up for it, but the thought counts.
-Avoid any of the places the fiance’ and I used to go together and have mutual friends until the rumor mill works its magic, so I don’t have to explain what happened all over again to anyone who asks where he is when I walk in.
- Notify all of the wedding vendors that they have a date free in October.
-Pretend I have bad allergies. My co-worker informed me this morning that I looked like I had been crying and my face was so swollen I looked beat up. I blamed ragweed.
-Accept that I will probably cry hourly, then daily for a while, then weekly, then monthly, then annually, but eventually it’s got to hurt less than it does right now if I can just keep breathing that long.
-Lay off the liquor for a week or so, to prevent drowning my sorrows until I have some control over bursting into tears on the bus, in my office, in elevators, in the shower, washing dishes, or on public streets.
-Write long rambling blog posts to remind myself I am strong enough to get through this. That a broken heart feels horrible. That I have made bad decisions, but that does not make me a bad person. That crying until I vomit is no way to start a life together, so I better get it together and move on.
Go easy on me. It’s been a hell of a weekend.